


I Won't Lose You

by haleyc510



Series: Hollstein Prompts [2]
Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Best Friends, Cheating! AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:39:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9300404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haleyc510/pseuds/haleyc510
Summary: Childhood friends to grown up friends to something more, but it's gotta be a secret, because the engagement ring on Laura's finger might just ruin everything.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> dumbass summary but laura is engaged to danny but then she and carmilla kiss and then they start havin an affair

“I thought by excusing myself and leaving your party and presence gave the impression that I didn’t want to be around you.”, Laura shoved her hands further into her pockets and sighed to herself. “Or did you want to show me the ring again? I know you can just never get enough of flashing that goddamn rock in my face.”

  
Venom dripped from every word that Carmilla threw at her, and there was a small part of Laura that simply wanted to know what she had done to deserve any of it.

  
“You’re my best friend, Carm. I don’t want to have a party unless you’re there with me.”

  
“Well now that you’re marrying the Danny Lawrence, you should probably get used to me not being around. Married people live together right? So you’ll probably be moving out soon. Not that you were at our place that much anymore anyway.”

  
Carmilla continued to sit at the swingset in the clearing with her back facing Laura. She kicked at the damp leaves and broken twigs littering the ground before continuing,

  
“How did you find me anyway?”

  
Laura was quiet for a moment. She didn’t know exactly how she had found Carmilla. She simply said she was leaving and then when she was really gone, Laura went to find her (Much to her fiance’s dismay). She simply followed where her feet led her, and they took her to the clearing.

PAST

  
“Carm stop it!” Laura was giggling and Carmilla adamantly refused to quit chasing the smaller girl.

  
Laura suddenly had an idea. She continued running around her backyard, her best friend cheerfully following her with every step. That is until Laura stopped dead in her tracks which sent both of the girls tumbling to the ground in a heap of limbs and cackling laughter.

  
Laura clambered on top of Carmilla, pinning her arms and legs to her side with a victorious grin,

  
“So do I win?”

  
“In your dreams, Hollis.”

  
Carmilla turned suddenly and knocked Laura to the ground, then tore off through the open yard and into the treeline. Laura blindly followed.

  
She eventually ran out of breath, but was still convinced she couldn’t let Laura catch her, so she climbed a nearby tree with a long hanging branch that, if she were to sit on it, her feet would dangle just out of Laura’s reach.

  
She heard Laura still jogging slowly in the nearby trees, breathing heavily. She called out to Carmilla, who instead of answering, simply began to whistle.

  
Laura turned sharply and made her way to the clearing where Carmilla sat whistling happily in her tree.

  
“You are so incredibly mean.”

  
Carmilla shrugged, “So quit being friends with me.”

  
“Well then you wouldn’t have any.”

  
“Well neither would you smarty pants.”

  
Laura pursed her lips and then decided not to answer Carmilla who was grinning madly from her perch. Instead she turned around and surveyed the clearning Carmilla had lead them to.

  
“You know, this place is sorta cool.” She heard a scoff from behind her and then Laura continued, “No, I’m serious. We could totally make this into something awesome!”

  
“I think you just have a habit of having too much hope in a lost cause.”

  
“Ooor, I have rightly placed hope in a potentially amazing hang out spot!”

  
“Do I have a choice in this at all?”

  
Laura was already mumbling to herself about being able to put a swing on that branch and then a hammock between some other trees…

PRESENT

  
“This is our place.” Laura almost felt Carmilla roll her eyes, “This is where you and I come when we’re hurting. And since your car was still here, I had an inkling you hadn’t gone far.”

  
“So you decided to come and bother the sulking panther when it’s retreated into its “hurting” spot?”

  
Laura sighed again, “No, Carm. I came to make sure my best friend was okay, because it’s obvious that she isn’t. But then again, she doesn’t seem to want my company right now, so I’ll be on my way.”

  
Laura turned on her heel but froze when she heard Carmilla’s laughter. But it wasn’t the soft, almost secretive laugh that she held so dear. This laugh was bristled and harsh, like someone was grating metal on a slab of concrete.

  
“That is so rich coming from you, Laura.”

  
She felt that one. Carmilla hardly used her given name, and when she did use it, it was during very special moments, and so for Carmila to use it as a barb was a seemingly new low.

  
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Laura was marching up to where Carmilla still sat on the swing and shoved her back, causing her to lose her balance and stand up from the swing.

  
She drew up to Laura, utilizing her full inch over the other girl and narrowed her eyes, “It means, sweetheart, that for you to be the one complaining about me not wanting you around is totally, and completely ironic.”

  
“When have I not wanted you around?” Laura was seething,

  
“Are you serious?” Carmilla fell back, running her hands through her hair dramatically, “‘Danny asked me to stay over for a few days’ ‘I was doing this thing with Danny the other day…’ ‘Oh! Me and Danny were-”

  
“Is there a point to this mockery of me? Or are you just trying to prove that you’re an even larger asshole than previously determined?”

  
“Oh, you didn’t like my dramatization of the past eight months? That’s a damn shame because that has been my life!” Carmilla was fuming and Laura was standing with a shellshocked look on her face

  
It took her a few moments before she could formulate a response but when she did, she shouted back,

  
“I’m sorry that I was spending time with my girlfriend! Unlike you who for some reason can’t keep a girl around for more than a single night!”

  
Carmilla raised her eyebrows, “Oh, slut-shaming now are we? Very unlike you Laura.”

  
“Shut up! You knew what I meant! You just use girls for your own personal benefit and then they never want to see you again once they realize what you are. You’re nothing but a user.”

  
Laura was trying to hit home with her words, and from the redness coming to Carmilla’s eyes, she did. Hard.

PAST

  
“You’re not a user, Carm.”

  
“I sure as shit feel like it.”

  
Carmilla had just been broken up with. Quite devastatingly. Ell had been her first real love and she had just completely torn Carmilla limb from limb.

  
Ell’s words rang through Laura’s head as she held her best friend tightly in her arms. She had called Carmilla a poser and a user and any and all other insults she could have thrown at the poor girl.

  
Carmilla had simply befriended her in their history class and then asked her to be partners. Whether or not Carmilla had a crush on her or not was beside the point really.

  
After a few weeks of mutual flirting, Carmilla decided to try to kiss Ell.

  
Ell had kissed her back.

  
And Carmilla was truly in heaven.

  
That was on Friday afternoon and when school resumed on Monday, all hell broke loose and Ell told everybody that Carmilla was a crazy lesbian who trapped her at her house and tried to kiss her.

PRESENT

  
“That was really low, Hollis, even for you.” She sniffed and then turned away from Laura. Both of them were silent for moments that felt like an eternity. Carmilla heard Laura open and close her mouth several times, but she couldn’t find the right words.

  
“Did it ever cross your mind that I didn’t want them to stay?”

  
Laura scoffed at this, “What is that even supposed to mean? Carmilla, you are such a brilliant, loving, ridiculously amazing person, how do you expect me to believe you purposely drive people away.”

  
“Because sometimes you have to finally admit to yourself that the one person you really want doesn’t you back, Laura.”

  
Laura didn’t say anything. Carmilla stared her down, her jaw clenched tight.

  
“You want me?”

  
Laura’s voice was so small. It nearly broke Carmilla’s heart to hear the disbelief in Laura’s words. Any anger she felt drained from her body, and she softened.

  
Making her way closer to Laura, Carmilla gently grabbed Laura’s arms and rested her forehead against Laura’s.

  
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted. You, and only you, Laura.” Carmilla laughed softly at herself, “And I only have the guts to tell you whenever I can’t have you.”

PAST

  
Carmilla pulled to a stop and put her car in park. She was sitting still for maybe two seconds before Laura threw the passenger door open and climbed in. Laura was too quiet and Carmilla immediately reached across the console for Laura’s hand.

  
Carmilla began driving, the radio quietly playing whatever top 40 station Laura had set t on. After fifteen minutes, Laura asked.

  
“Carm? Where are we going? My house is the other way.”

  
Carmilla nodded, “I know it is, but we’re not going home today.”

  
Laura looked confused, but didn’t question her.

  
Carmilla continued driving until she hit the interstate and then she turned, taking the exit towards Reisel. Laura began to recognize the route.

  
After crossing through miles of winding dirt roads, Carmilla pulled to a stop at the edge of the lake.

  
She turned to look at Laura, only to find her sleeping away in the passenger seat. She smiled softly, then nudged Laura awake with her elbow.

  
Slowly, she came to, curiously taking in her surroundings. She furrowed her brow,

  
“Carm? Why are we at Traderhouse?” Her voice was still sleepy and Carmilla felt butterflies in her stomach. She cursed herself for that, I mean shit, it’s your best friend Carmilla.

  
“Because I remember you told me one day that your favorite place in the world is Traderhouse Lake when the sun is barely rising.”

  
“But it’s dark right now.”

  
Carmilla laughed, “I know that. But I figured we could camp out and look at the stars while we wait.”

  
She then promptly cut the engine off and climbed out of the car. She grabbed several blankets and a few pillows from the trunk and then set them up on the hood.

  
Laura joined Carmilla after a few moments and she gently curled into Carmilla’s side. Praying to any and every god that would listen, Carmilla begged to not let Laura hear how her heart sped up when Laura threw her arm across Carmilla’s stomach.

  
Laura dozed off again somewhere between the story of Sirius and Carmilla joking about how tired she gets.

  
Carmilla remembered to set her alarm before she too fell asleep, angry at how much she wished that she could always sleep like this.

  
-

  
Laura woke up to gentle fingers running through her hair. She hummed in approval and then snuggled farther into her pillow. Her pillow that was laughing.

  
Shit!

  
Laura jerked up and away from Carmilla, who she had fallen asleep nearly on top of.

  
Carmilla was laughing even harder now, and then spoke,

  
“Calm down, crazy. You’ll miss the sunrise.”

  
Laura turned her head to look at the sum rising over the lake. A smile pulled across her face at the thought that Carmilla had brought her here, knowing she loved this lake.

  
“You wanna know the last time I was here?”

  
“Sure.”

  
“Dad took me here to camp for the weekend while Mom moved out. He told me that she was leaving here, but he also told me that we were moving to Wylie here. I met you there.” Laura’s face fell, but then pulled into a bittersweet smile, “So this place is good and bad for me. But I still love it with everything I have.”

  
She sniffled a little and then wiped her eyes quickly.

  
Carmilla held out her hand, Laura took it easily, she began running her thumb over Laura’s knuckles softly before saying quietly,

  
“You know I’ll never let anything happen to you right?” She met Laura’s eyes, her beautiful honey brown eyes that were brimming with tears. Laura nodded, and Carmilla continued. “I-I love you, okay? I will always be here for you and I know you can take care of yourself but I want you to know that I will always protect you.”

  
Laura finally let her tears fall, and she fell into Carmilla’s arms.

  
The two sat like that for what felt like ages, until Laura’s sniffles died down.

  
“Oh my god, my DAD!”

  
Laura and Carmilla scrambled to get the pillows and blankets shoved back into the car before they tore off back down the country roads towards home.

  
-

  
When the two girls pulled up outside of Laura’s house later that morning, Sherman Hollis was waiting out on the front porch, a menacing look strewn across his face.

  
Laura scurried past him into the house and the man made his way to Carmilla’s car.

  
“May I ask where you were with my daughter and why you thought it was acceptable to be gone a whole day without my knowledge?”

  
Carmilla stuttered and then said, “I know that yesterday was the day that her mom left and even though she was too little to really remember it, I know it still affects her to know she wasn’t wanted. I just wanted her to be with a friend and be somewhere she felt safe and happy, so we went to Traderhouse.”

  
Sherman Hollis regarded her with an even gaze, Carmilla was nearly shaking from nervousness.

  
“You’re a good young woman Carmilla. I’m very thankful that Laura has somebody in her life like you.” Carmilla let out a relieved sigh and grinned. “But don’t think you can get away with this nonsense ever again, am I understood?”

  
“Yes sir.”

  
Sherman smiled, “Now get home, I’m sure your mother is looking for you.”

  
Carmilla nodded and then began to drive off. A few moments later, her phone went off with Laura’s ringtone.

  
Laura 10:36:

  
I love you too, I forgot to say that earlier. :D

  
Carmilla smiled and decided to reply once she got home, Laura didn’t like texting and driving.

PRESENT

  
Laura leaned in and pressed her lips to Carmilla’s. Carmilla immediately responded. She moved her lips against Laura’s, then grabbed onto the belt loops of Laura’s jeans, bringing their bodies closer.

  
Laura bit down on Carmilla’s bottom lip and ran her hands through Carmilla’s hair. Carmilla smiled at Laura’s aggressiveness and then kissed her back even harder.

  
Laura moved her hands, her right gripping Carmilla’s hip tightly, and her left cupping her cheek. Carmilla felt the cold press of metal against her face. That’s when she froze.

  
Laura noticed and halted too,

  
“Hey, what’s the matter?”

  
Carmilla clenched her jaw, and grabbed Laura’s left hand. She dropped it and then pointed.

  
“That’s the matter.”

  
Laura immediately tried to wrestle the ring off of her finger and Carmilla tried to stop her.

  
“Laura stop that! Keep your ring on.”

  
“I’m not marrying Danny, Carm.”

  
“Yes you are, Laura. I am not going to let you throw away Danny Lawrence for me. As much as I hate her, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and I will not be the reason you leave her.”

  
Laura’s face looked like a mixture of many things, but the main look was hurt.

  
Laura was hurt. Carmilla loved her, loves her, wants her, and Laura is here, taking off her engagement ring and ready to give everything up for her best friend, but Carmilla won’t be with her.

  
“Carm-”

  
“Laura no.”

  
Laura sniffed and then her face hardened,

  
“Fine.”

  
Laura turned and left Carmilla standing there in the clearing.

  
-

  
Carmilla was sitting on her couch in her apartment, a nearly empty bottle of the cheapest wine she could find resting in her lap.

  
She heard the buzzer go off.  
  
Then Laura’s voice.

  
“Carm? Can I come in? We need to talk.”

  
She didn’t reply.

  
“Carmilla Karnstein. I know the code, I will come into this apartment, I was just trying to be polite.”

  
Carmilla stayed silent.

  
Laura made her way into the building and unlocked the door.

  
“Go away.”

  
Laura heard the muffled sound of Carmilla’s voice and Laura knew immediately that she’d been drinking.

  
Laura made her way to the couch and grabbed the bottle from Carmilla. Carmilla tried to grab it back from her but Laura lifted it out of her reach.

  
“Laura, please, I think we’ve said enough for today.”

  
Laura set the bottle onto the coffee table and then got onto her knees, eye level with Carmilla.

  
“Carmilla, I will not let you do this. You will not shut me out, because I refuse to lose you.”

  
“Laura, you can’t do this, you know it’ll never work out.”

  
“It doesn’t have to.”

  
Laura pulled Carmilla into a seated position and then pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

  
“I’m not going to leave Danny, but I will not lose you Carmilla. Not when I just got you.”

  
Carmilla leaned in to kiss Laura, this time bringing her and herself to stand. Carmilla reached down and hiked Laura up by her thighs and Laura wrapped her legs around Carmilla.

  
Laura dragged her fingers across Carmilla’s scalp causing her to groan into Laura’s mouth. Carmilla walked the two of them towards Carmilla’s bedroom and kicked the door shut behind her.

 


	2. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was Carmilla being so difficult? Is she hiding something? Sarah Jane and Kirsch make appearances as some awesome coworkers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, there was supposed to be a smut scene at the beginning but my smut writer got fukt by college, so if anybody tryna fill that position feel free to message me on my tumblr @whatchaudoin

“Can you get that thing, cutie?” Carmilla groaned and Laura cracked open one eye, reluctantly waking up.

 

Laura’s phone was ringing. She shot straight up in bed, eyes wide. She scrambled to the floor trying to find her discareded pants and her phone that was in the back pocket. 

 

“Aha!” She gripped it triumphantly and then felt her stomach drop when she saw the caller ID.

 

Danny Lawrence <3

 

“Oh, fuck me.” She heard Carmilla snicker from the bed and Laura shot her a look that she hoped conveyed that Danny was on the phone you shit.

 

Laura answered.

 

“Hey baby! How are you?”

 

“I’m a little worried, to be honest. I tried calling you tons of times last night and you never answered and you kinda just disappeared on me after the party.”

 

Laura rolled her eyes, “I know I kinda went AWOL and I’m sorry about that. I think I just needed some time away from people to-” Laura glanced back at Carmilla who was flipping through a book, still naked. “To think, you know?”

 

“No, I don’t think I do. We’re getting married, Laura. It’s my job to take care of you and know where you are!”

 

“Excuse me? It’s your job? Last time I checked I was your fianceé, not a child, and I expect to be treated that way.”

 

Laura began pacing back and forth across the bedroom, annoyance radiating off of her in waves. 

 

“You know what I meant. I don’t see you as a child, and I know you can take care of yourself.” Laura rolled her eyes so hard that it hurt. “I just, you know that I worry. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

 

“Ok, Danny. Whatever.” Laura turned to Carmilla, who had now put her book down and was giving Laura a positively sinful look. “I’ve got to go, there’s something I need to do.”

 

Carmilla’s eyes crinkled with laughter but she managed to keep from making noise. Laura smiled back and shot Carmilla a wink.

 

“Oh, ok. I love you, Laura.”

 

Laura hung up before she had to say it back. 

 

She dropped her phone back onto the floor and then crawled back onto the bed with Carmilla. She straddled Carmilla’s waist and ran her fingers through dark waves of hair.

 

“Hmm, is there trouble with Xena, lovely?”

 

Groaning, Laura brought Carmilla into a rough kiss, which Carmilla gladly returned. Laura kissed down to Carmilla’s neck and bit down hard, causing her to hiss in pain.

 

“Don’t talk to me about Danny when I’m fucking you.”

 

Carmilla’s face paled at Laura’s words, but then she said back, “You aren’t fucking me yet.”

 

“Oh, well then let me fix that.” 

 

Laura grinned and then leaned in to kiss Carmilla soundly.

 

\------------------------------

 

Laura unlocked the door to Danny’s apartment and let herself in. She was greeted by the taller girl pacing back and forth across her living room. Danny snapped her head towards the door when she heard it open.

 

“Laura!” She quickly moved to pull Laura into a tight hug, “I was so worried about you.”

 

Laura laughed weakly, “No more need to worry, I’m back.”

 

“I’m so happy you’re home.” Danny leaned away from Laura then gestured to the kitchen, “I made breakfast, you hungry?”

 

“Um, no. I already ate.” Her face blushed bright red and so she quickly moved to the kitchen, “I am a little thirsty though. Parched actually.”

 

She filled a glass with water and began drinking heavily and then refilled the glass and continued to drink that one at the table. Danny eyed her and grinned and then began eating her food.

 

In between bites, Danny asked, “So, I think it’s time that we finally address the issue of living arrangements.”

 

Laura furrowed her brow, “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, now that we’re engaged, I was thinking that you’d move in with me.”

 

Laura choked on her water. “Excuse me?”

 

“Um, what? I said that you should move in with me.”

 

Laura wiped her face and then cleared her throat, “Oh, I’m not sure about that.”

 

Danny gave laura a long look, “Ok, why not? You spend a lot of your time here anyway, you have a drawer of clothes in my dresser, what’s wrong with making this a more permanent arrangement?”

 

“I don’t know, Danny, I just don’t feel like the time is right. I spend a lot of time here as is, I sleep over about three nights a week, isn’t that enough for now?”

 

Danny was getting slightly irritated with Laura and Laura could feel Danny losing her temper slowly, “Laura when will the time be right? When we get married? When we have our first child-”

 

“Woah, woah, children?”

 

“See? We haven’t even talked about children, but that’s beside the point.” Danny sighed, “Laura, my point is that we’ve been dating for two years. We got engaged a month ago, and you were anything but eager to set a month for our wedding. I just can’t help but feel that you’re unhappy here. That you’re unhappy with me.”

 

Laura stood up and made her way over to where Danny was sitting across the table. She easily sat herself down in Danny’s lap and habitually, Danny wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist. Laura rested her head against her fiance's forehead and then nudged her nose softly.

 

“Danny, I love you. And I’m not unhappy with you. I just need to take these things slowly.” Laura kissed Danny easily and Danny kissed her back.

 

She seemed calmer, and Laura smiled that her and Danny could discuss their issues openly.

 

“We aren’t done talking about moving though, because I don’t want to spend the day after my wedding moving your hoards of pant suits into my smaller than average closet.”

 

“Okay, baby. We’ll talk about it later.”

 

Danny smacked her lips together, “Is that a new chapstick, Laura?”

 

\----------------------

 

“Sarah Jane! I am so happy to see you here.”

 

“What do you mean? I’m always here, we work next to each other.”

 

Laura spun around in her chair and then rolled her eyes, “I know that. But I have been drowning in family and friends this weekend and so I am desperate for a no strings attached work friendship.”

 

Sarah Jane laughed and then shook her head at Laura, “So, what happened that was so bad?” Laura widened her eyes almost comically. “Oh, so it’s interesting?”

 

“That would be putting it lightly. I may or may not have made the best and simultaneously worst decision I have ever made in my whole life.”

 

Sarah Jane smirked at Laura and said jokingly, “Did you finally sleep with that hottie you call a best friend?”

 

Laura’s jaw hit the floor. Her face paled and she struggled for words to give Sarah Jane.

 

“I, um, what? Who told you that I slept with Carmilla?” 

 

Sarah Jane’s face pulled into a look of shock and awe. She turned to her desk and dropped her head into her work, then quickly spun out to stare at Laura again.

 

“So you did?!”

 

“Did what?” Laura sniffed and avoided the question.

 

“You slept with Carmilla!” Sarah Jane gasped when Laura reared back and smacked her hard in the arm.

 

“Keep your voice down! Some people here know Danny. My fiance Danny. The woman I am going to marry.”

 

Sarah Jane smirked, “Unless you come to your senses.”

 

Laura scoffed at this, “What is that supposed to mean?”

 

Sarah Jane wheeled over to Laura’s desk and rested her arm on Laura’s arm rest, “It means what it sounds like. Anybody who has ever seen you and Carmilla interact can practically feel the romantic tension between you two.” 

 

Laura tried to interject, but Sarah Jane raised a hand, “No, listen to me. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll drop Danny like a hot potato and live your childhood happily ever after.”

 

“It’s not that easy, Jane.”

 

“I know it isn’t. Especially for you.” Sarah Jane wheeled herself back to her desk, but then turned back to Laura, “But sooner or later, you’re gonna want to do what’s right for you, not what you think other people want.”

 

\-----------------

 

Carmilla picked up her phone reluctantly, 

 

“Hello?”, Her irritation bled into her tone and Laura regretted calling her.

 

“Carm? If now isn’t a good time, I understand.”

 

Carmilla immediately perked up, “Oh, now is perfectly fine, cutie. I didn’t know it was you.”

 

Laura rolled her eyes, “You have caller ID, you dingus.”

 

“Yes, but if I had looked, then I wouldn’t have gotten to be surprised by your pretty voice.”

 

Laura rolled her eyes, “My voice is the same either way.”

 

“I think your voice sounds better when it’s moaning my name, but you’re right, it always sounds the same. Very sweet, but the same.”

 

Laura blushed, “Shut up.”

 

Carmilla laughed at the girl on the other end of the line, “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me this afternoon?”

 

“Hmm, well, two things. One, Danny asked me to move in with her today.”

 

Carmilla laughed, “Again? You gotta admire the persistence.”

 

Laura sighed, “Well she has a point, Carm. I’m supposed to marry her, yet the thought of moving in with her just puts me at a complete stand still.”

 

Carmilla shrugged her shoulders, “It’s just something you two will have to deal with. Maybe it would be easier if you both moved into our apartment now? It’ll be too big for me once you two live together, I’ll have to downsize anyway. I’d hate to see this place go, so you two can live here so you’re more comfortable but it’ll still be both of yours.”

 

Laura smiled, this was why she loved Carmilla. She was always willing to candidly speak her mind to help Laura out of whatever situation she found herself in.

 

“The other thing is that Sarah Jane know we slept together.”

 

“Wait, what?! Laura did you tell her?”

 

“I didn’t tell her, no. I just said that I had had a long weekend and was happy to be around work friends and she asked me what made the weekend so rough and then I was quiet, then she asked me if I finally slept with you.”

 

“But, you told her no, right?”

 

“I did not confirm, nor deny the claims made against me Carmilla.”

 

“Laura, she is going to tell somebody else, and then it will eventually get to Danny, and Danny will leave you then break my face.”

 

“She wouldn’t break your face.”

 

“But yes she would.”

 

“Carmilla, it really won’t be that big of a deal, Danny already thinks that I don’t love her so whatever.”

 

Carmilla furrowed her brow, “What does that mean?”

 

Laura sighed heavily, “She thinks that she’s pressuring me into this whole thing. Our relationship, the engagement, moving in, everything.”

 

“Well isn’t she?” Laura stayed quiet for a long while, Carmilla staying on the phone with her all the while, “Laura?”

 

“Is she? Because that’s what Sarah Jane said too. She told me that I have to quit doing what I think people want me to do and to start doing what’s right for me.”

 

Carmilla hummed, then spoke softly, “I can’t tell you that Laura, and it’s not necessarily a yes or no question. I just think you have a lot of stuff on your plate right now and that you will ultimately have to make decisions about it. I don’t plan on pressuring you one way or the other either, it’s up to you.” Carmilla paused, then continued. “It’s your life and relationships and your happiness at stake and that is all I ever want for you, whether you be with me, with Danny, or hell, with Sarah Jane. I just want you to be happy.”

 

Laura smiled at the phone, “Thank you, Carm, you always know what to say to get me out of my own head.”

 

“Have a good lunch hour cutie, I’ve gotta get going.”

 

\------------------------------

 

Laura made a huge mistake and there is really no way she can fix it. She’s been in love with Carmilla forever. And Carmilla has loved her just the same. Carmilla can and has dropped everything on a dime for Laura. She would cash in every cent she owns if it meant she could save her. And Carmilla has always been her best friend, at one point her only friend. 

 

It makes Laura feel guilty. Her stomach churns when she thinks about how selflessly Carmilla loves her, and that she decided to pack her up in a box and keep her on the sidelines. 

 

She’s engaged to Danny. Perfect, loving, smart, home-builder Danny. Her dad loves Danny. The rest of her family does too. She’s good for Laura. Pushes her to be the best version of herself she can be. 

 

She’s also a little overbearing sometimes. She always has to know where Laura is, who she’s with, and what she’s doing. And it feels like she isn’t trusted and like she’s a child. She knows Danny loves her, but she needs a wife, not another parent. 

 

Laura continues to work herself in circles until her head spins. She thinks she decided what she wanted to do, but when she realizes she’d have to go through with it, her chest burns in shame.

 

She grabs a pen and some paper and begins writing a letter to Carmilla.

 

\-----------------

 

“K, you okay?”

 

Carmilla widened her eyes and sighed, 

 

“That good, huh?” Kirsch slid in next to her desk. “Tell me what’s goin on, buddy.”

 

Carmilla blew air out the side of her mouth, “Girl trouble.”

 

Kirsch grimaced, “What happened this time? Went out for drinks and then an old hookup found you and asked why you never called?”

 

“No it’s, uh, actually a lot more serious.”

 

“Is it about you-know-who?”

 

“Her name is Laura, not Voldemort.” Carmilla grinned. “But yes.” Her face fell again

 

“What happened.”

 

Carmilla glanced around quickly, then turned to Kirsch, “Vegas office?”

 

“Vegas office.” Kirsch nodded in solidarity and then Carmilla got up and closed her blinds. 

 

“We slept together.”

 

Kirsch stared at her, mouth open like a fish.

 

Carmilla was waiting for him to say something, but nothing came out.

 

“Can you say something and not just sit there looking concussed?”

 

“How did that happen?”

 

“We fought at her engagement party. And things were said from both sides. Right person, wrong time stuff.” Carmilla ran her hand through her hair, “Then she started saying crazy shit like, she was gonna leave Danny for me and stuff. I couldn’t let her do that, she can’t give up the life she’s built with Danny for me.

 

“Then I left and made some poor alcohol consuption decisions and Laura came to the apartment. She basically told me that she wouldn’t leave Danny, but that she won’t lose me once she just got me.”

 

“She’s never really loved Danny. You know that.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Laura wouldn’t have stayed with her this long if she didn’t feel something for the giant.”

 

“She feels something for Danny, sure. But she doesn’t love her. At least not like she loves you.” Carmilla turned away, trying to be done with the conversation, but Kirsch kept talking. “I don’t exactly know why you’re being so difficult about this, she loves you, you love her, and she’s willing to leave her fianceé for you. Go for it.”

 

“Kirsch she’s engaged!”

 

“Engaged isn’t married.”

 

Carmilla dug through her desk and pulled out a letter. It was stamped with the logo of the company that Kirsch and Carmilla worked for. She pulled out the letter. 

 

Handing it to Kisrch, she sighed, “This is why I can’t be with Laura.”

 

Kirsch’s face fell with each word. He looked hurt.

 

“You’re moving?”

 

“Yea, in two weeks.”

 

“Bud, you say that like your lease is up and you’re switching apartments. You’re moving to San freakin Diego.”

 

“Didn’t say I wanted to. You’ve gotta go where the money is.”

 

Kirsch tossed the paper onto Carmilla’s desk, “This is gonna kill her, you know that?”

 

“Don’t remind me.”

 

“Why would she have slept with you and started this ilicit affair if she knew you were leaving so soon.”

 

Carmilla sat quietly, her hands folded over her stomach. Kirsch waited for an answer that was obviously not coming.

 

He stood up, showing that rare anger in his voice, “You are moving across the country in two weeks and you haven’t told the one person who cares about you the most? What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“I was going to tell her after the party! But then she confessed her love and I couldn’t look at those pretty doe eyes and break her heart Kirsch, I can’t break her heart.” 

 

Kirsch took a deep breath, “You already have, Carmilla. You just don’t know it yet.” He set his jaw, “You need to tell her. It needs to be done today.”

 

Carmilla nodded, “Okay.”

 

“And don’t think that I’m not hurt by this too. You’re like, my best friend, K. How long were you going to wait to tell me?”

 

“I don’t know Kirsch. I don’t want to move, I guess I figured the longer I put it off the longer I could ignore it.”

 

Kirsch was walking out of Carmilla’s office, “Well, two weeks is like, no time at all. You need to get packing.”


End file.
